


John Hughes Did Not Direct My Life

by JetGirl1832, tomatopudding



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drama, Easy A - Freeform, F/M, Fake Sex, Gen, High School, Pretend Relationships, Rumours, The Scarlet Letter, rumour mill, teacher-student relationship (mentioned), teen drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-11-20 08:55:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11332512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JetGirl1832/pseuds/JetGirl1832, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomatopudding/pseuds/tomatopudding
Summary: A harmless joke with Eliza's sister in the bathroom spirals wildly out of control once it descends upon the rumor mill known as Yorktown High School. What is Elizabeth Schuyler to do but play along?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> We've been sitting on this story for months and are so excited to bring you our "Easy A" AU, and while this post is a little on the short side we have plenty more to come.

Eliza had rushed home to change before she started her little "show" she needed to clear the air and start fresh. After throwing on a tank top and ditching her short-shorts in favor of jeans she let out a sigh of relief. She then glanced over at her computer, three minutes before she'd promised to go live, three minutes before she was to explain herself. 

Eliza looked at the red button on her computer screen and bit her lip, surely everyone at the pep rally was waiting on her. Waiting to see just what horribly scandalous thing Elizabeth Schuyler would do next. They were going to be sorely disappointed.

She clicked on the webcam and her image popped up on her screen. Eliza took a deep breath as she used the grainy webcam image to adjust her t-shirt and check her eyeliner. Everything appeared to be in order. She had her note cards and papers at the ready. It was finally time to set the record straight.

"One, two, three," Eliza muttered her hand hovering over the mouse as she clicked, then in the right hand on her screen it informed her that she was live and quickly the number of viewers began to rise. And for a brief moment she wanted to turn her computer off and forget the whole damn thing.

"Hello world," Eliza began, "well, hello Yorktown High School students, various teachers, and parental units. I have some things that I need to say and that you all need to hear."

Eliza tapped her fingers against her desk, "Now I'm certain there are a number of you who will be sorely disappointed and that this was not the show you were expecting but hear me out."

The numbers kept ticking higher, "While I have your attention there are a few things I would like to clear up about me, Elizabeth Schuyler."

Eliza smiled, "I bet that up until a few months ago about ninety five... Scratch that, ninety eight percent of you had no idea who I was. Sure everyone knows my sister, the gorgeous and intelligent Angelica off at the University of Albany, but I kinda flew under the radar."

Eliza adjusted her posture,"Although I probably did it a little too well," she bit her lip, "I know this sounds like every terrible high school rom-com since the dawn of time, but it's true. Except that I may have jump started this whole mess by lying about a few very personal things," she swallowed and paused glancing at the number which seemed to have plateaued for the time being.

"So let the record show that I, Elizabeth Schuyler being of sound mind, and below average breast size. Swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth. Starting now," Eliza smiled and began to laugh, "Hence the purpose of this livestream and all my dedicated viewers who are hanging on to my every word. So let's start."


	2. Part 1: The Shudder Inducing and Cliched, However Totally False Account of How I Lost My Virginity to a Guy At A Community College in a Neighboring Town

Eliza let out a sigh, "How did I fit all of that on one card?" she set it down at her side, "Now we are taught there are two sides to every story, and this one is mine, the right one."

\----------

"George?" Peggy laughed, "George is not a sexy name, that is the name of our principal!" 

"Okay you got me," Eliza smiled.

"I knew you were lying before you even started because Annie would have texted me within five seconds of you going off with a guy," Peggy grinned, “Although you seem to have had this whole thing planned out and I would love to hear the story," she pushed open the door to the bathroom.

"Well of course," said Eliza as she followed her younger sister into the bathroom, "George and I are madly in love. He's destined to be my Mr. Darcy, you see."

"Ooo how romantic," laughed Peggy, withdrawing her lipstick from some hidden pocket on her dress and proceeding to re-apply the shimmery, neutral color, "Tell me more. Did he rip your bodice before your night of fiery passion? Details, sis, and don't leave out a single one."

"Well I ditched Annie at the party and went back with him to his dorm," Eliza smiled as she fixed her hair, "his roommate was out so we had the room all to ourselves."

"Bow chicka wow wow," Peggy sang. 

Eliza laughed, "Oh man, stop. That is so not sexy."

Peggy giggled, "So tell me more!" she insisted.

"Well," Eliza smiled, "that's when things started to get really heated and we-"

Little did Eliza know that as she regaled her story of complete fiction to her younger sister that someone was listening to their every word.

The flushing of a toilet was what tipped her off and both sisters paused, looking at each other. The stall door practically slammed open and Martha Wayles, the girl who lead Yorktown High's bible club, stepped up to the sink to wash her hands. Her glare was stuck on Eliza through the mirror the entire time. 

"Repent, sinner," Martha sniffed, sticking her nose piously in the air as she stalked from the bathroom.

"Oh my god," Peggy's jaw dropped, "she didn't think you were serious, did she?"

"I think she did," Eliza groaned, "I need to talk to her," she sped out of the bathroom, "Martha! Martha!"

The other girl wasn't far away and she stopped and glared at Eliza, "What?" she asked bitterly.

"What you heard back there," Eliza panted, "Peggy and I were just joking, nothing actually happened-"

"God will be the judge of that," Martha straightened her posture even more.

"No offense to god, but I think I know a little bit more about what actually went down," said Eliza, which, in retrospect, was probably not the best thing to say. 

"I'll be praying for your soul," Martha ground out, "We all will."

Before Eliza could say anything else Martha stormed off.

"Oh fuck," Eliza groaned leaning against the brick wall.

"Let me guess you're going to hell according to Martha Wayles?" Peggy walked up.

"Yup," Eliza tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "and it's not even lunch time."

"I'll say one thing, you move fast," said Peggy, "In more ways than one!"

"You know, it's talk like that that got me into this situation in the first place," Eliza pointed out. 

Peggy shrugged just as the bell to signal the end of passing period rang. 

"Oh come on," she said as they began to walk down the hall, "it's just Martha."

Peggy's next classroom was on the left and she stopped at the door while Eliza continued down the hall. 

"Besides," Peggy called after her, "what could possibly go wrong?"

With a small wave, Peggy disappeared into the classroom. Eliza just sighed to herself.

It turns out a lot could go wrong, and by lunch time everyone at Yorktown High was talking about how Eliza had lost her virginity to a college guy.

Sipping at her chocolate milk Eliza felt everyone's eyes on her.

"What the hell!" Dolley Payne strode over to the table and sat down, "Why didn't you tell me you gave up your V Card to a college guy?"

"Dolley..." Eliza sighed.

"I mean," Dolley continued, "I thought we were friends! And this news is so, so big."

"There's not really any news," Eliza tried to explain, "it isn't real. I made it up."

Dolley let out a loud laugh, "Bitch please. You don't have to act so demure around me."

"I'm not," Eliza replied, "Peggy and I were just joking around in the bathroom and-"

"And I had to find out from Abby Smith of all people," Dolley ignored Eliza, "that hurts."

Eliza nibbled at a French fry knowing it was useless to try and convince Dolley while she was worked up like this. But she couldn't help but feel overwhelmed at being the talk of the school, if this was what it was like to be popular then she couldn't wait until this all would pass and they would be talking about something else.

\----------

She really should have known better and Eliza kicked herself later for not trying harder to nip this thing in the bud. Martha Wayles was well known for her persuasive power, which she lent to her bible club. For example, there was the case of the school mascot.

For years they'd been the Yorktown Blue Devils, with Alex Hamilton proudly representing them in what was a stretch of a costume. Every game he'd paint himself dark blue, throw on a pair of blue basketball shorts and cape and hit the floor, everyone loved it. Well everyone except Martha who started a petition.

She considered the school mascot to be promoting satanism and she petitioned to have it changed to something less threatening. Somehow, and nobody knew how because nobody would admit to signing it, her petition got enough signatures to pass.

Principal Hanover was at a loss, Yorktown was the Blue Devils no more. Now they were the fearsome... Woodchucks.

Not that Alex approached the role with any less gusto, which Eliza had to give him credit for that.

Peggy was the one who had put it best, the first time Alex had emerged in the woodchuck costume, his face only just peeking through the giant mouth of his costume head. 

"I miss seeing him shirtless," Peggy had sighed. 

Eliza had to agree.

\----------

"So Martha you may have won there," Eliza said, "but me and most of the student body who isn't afraid of you think that the Woodchucks are stupid, I even overheard Vice Principal Seabury complaining about it-" she paused for a moment, "I'm getting off track, sorry guys. Let's move on."

 

\----------

The rumors continued to follow Eliza throughout the day and she was glad to finally leave campus at the end of the day. Peggy was at some after school club, so Eliza made the walk home alone and burst into the kitchen where her parents were making dinner while her youngest sibling, Philip "Sky" Schuyler, worked on his homework nearby.

"Mom? Dad?" Eliza peered into the kitchen, "you know I was home all weekend right."

"Of course, pumpkin," Philip Schuyler replied, "Where else would you be?"

"That's vaguely insulting," Eliza pointed out, "I'm a teenager. I could have been out partying!"

Philip and Catherine exchanged a glance and burst into laughter. 

"Out partying," chuckled Catherine, "That's a good one."

"Thanks," sighed Eliza. 

"You weren't, though," Philip put in, "Out partying, that is."

"No!" Eliza insisted, "Of course not. I was here all weekend."

"You kept listening to that stupid song," Sky chirped, looking up from his math assignment and proceeding to warble an off-key rendition of Call Me Maybe.

Eliza rush over and clapped a hand over her brother's mouth, letting out a fake laugh to cover up his continued humming. 

"Let's not get bogged down with what I was actually doing, alright? I can't help it if that song is catchy," she defended, "Suffice it to say that I was at home. All weekend."

"Yes dear," Catherine smiled.

"Good," Eliza nodded, "so if you hear things otherwise...just know it's completely untrue."

"Is there something you'd like to tell us?" Philip asked. 

"Nope, nothing to tell," assured Eliza, "Just...normal high school stuff."

"Normal high school stuff?" Catherine raised her brow.

"Yup," Eliza nodded, "the rumour mill is churning out some serious stuff, and if you hear about it don't believe a word of it."


	3. The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

Eliza dropped her poster board, "Or how quickly rumors gets spread at Yorktown High School."

"Now that I think about it," Eliza leaned back, "this is actually not the first time my fictional sexual exploits were the talk of the school."

She steepled her fingers under her chin as she spoke, "Actually, now that I think about it, it involved one Alexander Hamilton, of mascot fame."

"Okay," Eliza spun her chair, "eighth grade, Abigail Smith's birthday party and a game of seven minutes in heaven."

\----------

She was equal parts nervous and excited for this game. For one thing, Angelica had told her all about kissing and how nice it could be, what to do and what not to do. It sounded like a lot of work, but honestly Eliza was ready to try. That was the excitement. The nerves came when she was chosen to go into Abigail's bedroom (which was doubling as "heaven") with Alexander Hamilton. Eliza had known Alex for a number of years now, going back to elementary school. He was often loud and boisterous when they were on breaks from learning, but inside the classroom he was focused and studious. Eliza had the biggest crush on him.

The two of them sat crossed legged on the bed neither of them making a move. Eliza would be lying if she said she didn't want to kiss him, she'd quickly fallen for his wide grin and deep brown eyes. But the scared look on Alex's face was what held her back.

"Are you okay?" Eliza bit her lip.

"Can I tell you something?" Alex asked tentatively, "And promise you won't laugh."

"Of course," Eliza assured. Inside she was practically bursting. Her crush wanted to tell her a secret! It was as good as saying that he liked her too. Or at least that he trusted her.

Alex sighed, "I...I've never been kissed."

"M-me neither," Eliza stuttered out, "I always thought I was too young, you know? I mean, in books people are kissing by the time they're our age, but books, um, fictional."

Alex gave a light laugh at her mind rambling and placed a friendly hand on hers when it rested on the bedspread. 

"Thanks for understanding," he said. 

"Understanding," Eliza repeated, "understanding what?"

"That I'm just not ready for this, the whole kissing thing."

It was then that realization struck. Alex wasn't going to kiss her. They weren't going to share both of their first kisses and be immediately in adolescent love. 

"Of course," she said, forcing a smile to her face.

"Alright love birds you've got three minutes left!" Abigail's voice rang out.

Eliza shifted to move off the bed when Alex's hand on her arm stopped her. 

"Wait, Eliza, I need...could you do me a favor?" he asked, "Please?"

"Sure" Eliza nodded, "what is it?"

"C-can you say that we kissed?" Alex asked.

Eliza froze for a long moment, her mind churning. Honestly, she would rather actually kiss him, but it was apparent that that wouldn't really happen. Telling him no would probably break Alex's heart. And of course she knew that, regardless of what the media showed, fitting in and feeling comfortable in school was just as difficult for boys as it was for girls. 

"No problem," she replied.

"Great." Alex smiled looking relieved.

\----------

"So yeah, that was all a lie, sorry Abby," Eliza smirked, "In any case, there's a reason I told you that story just now and it has to do with what happened next. First, though, another short tangent. This time to English class where we have, quite fittingly I must say, been studying The Scarlet Letter."

\----------

English was Eliza's very favorite class. Not just because she loved the content, because she did, but because the teacher, Maria Reynolds, was probably the best teacher in the entirety of Yorktown High. 

As per usual Eliza was certain that she was the only one who read the book, which she was certain that Mrs. Reynolds knew this as well.

"Alright class," Mrs. Reynolds perched herself on the edge of her desk, "let's talk about last night's reading."

A resounding silence was her only response, but Mrs. Reynolds didn't seem all that surprised by it. Eliza knew that this was par for the course, not just in English but in all classes. Nobody ever wanted to be the one to talk. 

"Okay then, let's specifically talk about Hester," prompted Mrs. Reynolds, "and the way she was treated."

At this one of Martha's friends Sarah raised her hand looking smug, "Yes Miss Livingston?" 

"Well," Sarah began, "excuse my language but I think Hester Prynne was a skank-"

"So..." Mrs. Reynolds got off the desk, "you don't feel sorry for her? That in this instance she's the victim?"

"If she didn't want to be seen for the whore she was, she shouldn't have been one in the first place," Sarah said.

"Miss Livingston," Mrs. Reynolds spoke in a warning tone.

"Kinda like someone else," Sarah turned to look straight at Eliza, "maybe you should embroider a red A on your wardrobe you abominable tramp."

What happened next surprised Eliza as much as it surprised everyone else, "Maybe you should get a wardrobe you abominable twat!"

"Miss Schuyler! Principal's office now!" Mrs. Reynolds spoke firmly.

And that was how Eliza found herself in detention for the first time in her academic career, polishing the school's sports trophies with John Laurens.

"So what landed you here?" John asked polishing a swim team trophy.

"I may or may not have called Sarah Livingston and abominable twat," Eliza sighed, "you?"

"Well I may or may not have gotten into a fight with Charles Lee and called Principal Hanover a fascist," John replied.

"Nice," Eliza then noticed the cut on his cheek.

"Not my finest hour," John sighed.

They cleaned in silence for several long moments, listening to the distant sounds of the after school clubs finishing up for the day. 

"So what prompted it?" asked Eliza, "The whole punching altercation, I mean."

"Charles Lee is a fucking asshole," John frowned, "that and all the guys here seem to think I'm not 'man enough' and before you say anything I know my hair doesn't help."

His hair, although it was nearly shoulder length, luxuriously curly, and always well maintained, wasn't the only reason people thought that. John and Eliza had been in school together since the age of six and he had always been more comfortable hanging around with girls and doing the more sedate activities. He could fight just as well as the rest of the boys, but it was still obvious that he was different.

Both of them turned back to polishing for a moment, "So is what I heard true?" John asked.

"What do you mean?" Eliza asked.

"That you slept with a guy who is twice your age and got crabs," John replied casually. 

Eliza raised her brows, "That's what it's turned into?"

John smirked, "I guess that means it's not true."

"Oh god no," Eliza shook her head, "I actually made up the whole thing."

John looked at her with curiosity.

"Well I said he was a college guy but I was just joking around with Peggy," Eliza admitted, "I haven't slept with anyone... Ever."

"Well, this is certainly an interesting life choice you've made," said John, "Pretending. Not that I'm saying it's not valid, I've done it my entire life."

"What do you mean?" Eliza asked.

"Oh come on," John scoffed, "Certainly you know the things that people say about me. The names I've been called over the years."

"So it's true, then," mused Eliza, "You're really..."

"Gay? As a rainbow in a Pride parade," laughed John, "But not out. Not a chance."

"I see," Eliza nodded, "well maybe you could fake it too, pretending has done wonders for my reputation," she teased.

"You're crazy," John laughed.

"What's so crazy about it?" Eliza asked. 

"If I say that I've been sleeping around with women, the only thing they have to trust is my word," John said wryly, "Who's going to believe me?"

"Well it was an idea," Eliza shrugged.

John simply shrugged and they went back to work.

 

\----------

"And what are you doing home so late?" Catherine asked as Eliza walked through the door.

"I have reached a new milestone!" Eliza declared.

"Oh?" Catherine queried, "Are you hearing this, sweetheart?"

"Loud and clear," replied Philip, his voice coming in from the other room, "What's the milestone?"

"I," Eliza pronounced grandly, "was in detention."

Catherine let out a gasp.

"It's about time," Philip called from the other room.

"Dad!" Eliza's eyes went wide as her father entered.

"It builds character," Philip grinned, "what was it for?"

"I called another student, um," she paused and glanced over at Peggy and Sky lounging at the kitchen table, "by a bad word. Very bad."

"Ooo what was it?" Philip asked gleefully.

"Something really not appropriate for young ears," Eliza replied.

"Hey!" Sky shot back, "I wanna know!"

"Well maybe we can guess," Catherine suggested, "what's it start with."

"T,” Eliza replied.

"T-" Philip grinned, "this will be fun."

"Oh god," Eliza muttered.

"T... T... T..." Philip stroked his chin.

"Please don't do this," sighed Eliza. 

"Tra...toe...tlee..." 

Eliza rolled her eyes, "Those are just random syllables, mom."

"I'm thinking," Catherine smiled.

"Try a little British," Eliza replied.

"Tallyho!" exclaimed Philip. 

"Oh yes, tallyho," said Eliza flatly, "the worst of all curse words."

"I tried," Philip shrugged, "Kitty?"

"What about termagant?" Catherine asked.

"If only I could pull a three syllable words out of my hat without any pre-planning," Eliza said, "then that's definitely what I would have said. But alas."

"I know!" Catherine decided, "Spell it out with your peas."

Eliza rubbed tiredly at her forehead, "Oh my--why? Why are you like this? Can't you just, I dunno, ground me and let that be the end of it?"

"Pumpkin we're too invested in it for you not to tell us," Philip smiled, "besides, like you said this is a big milestone for you." 

 

Eliza sighed, "Fine."

Catherine spooned some peas out onto a plate. Eliza grabbed a fork and began pushing them around to spell out the word.

 

Catherine's eyes went wide, "My goodness!" she gasped.

"I wanna see!" Sky jumped up.

"Ah, no I don't think so," Eliza said, quickly running her fork through the peas to mess up the word before Sky got there. 

"Aw," Sky complained.

"You'll grow up soon enough," Catherine ruffled his hair.

"No I won't," Sky pouted.

"He's right," Philip added, "our family is all late bloomers."

"But aren't I adopted?" Sky raised his brow.

"We all are," Eliza laughed.

Philip let out a dramatic gasp and slammed his hands down on the counter, "Damn it, who told you!"

Peggy let out a snort of laughter and the other two joined in soon after, making both of their parents grin.

"Come on dad," Eliza giggled, "it's obvious."

"But we had this all planned out!" Philip exclaimed, "We were going to do this at the right time and-"

"Philip," Catherine sighed.

"Okay fine, I suppose it's a bit obvious," Philip conceded with a wink. He wasn't wrong. 

Just as Eliza was about to respond, there was a knock at the front door. 

"Who could that be?" Catherine mused as she went to answer it. A few moment later, she called, "Eliza! It's for you!"

Eliza went to the front door and found John Laurens waiting there for her.


	4. A Lady's Choice and a Gentleman's Agreement

"Okay," Eliza said as she displayed her latest title card, "so this is where the real story starts. Everything up until now has really been just context. I suppose it's my own fault that things escalated. If I had just left it alone, the rumors would have died out."

She lowered the sign and hummed in thought. 

"Eventually," she added, "Probably."

"Who am I kidding when it comes to gossip you guys are terrible," Eliza concluded, "So let's get to it, the real story."

\----------

"John," Eliza said with surprise, "what're you doing here?"

"I need," John started, "um...can I talk to you? Privately?"

"Sure," Eliza shrugged, "come on in."

John awkwardly stood in the hallway.

"You wanna come upstairs?" Eliza offered.

John began to blush and nodded his head, "Sure," and followed Eliza upstairs.

"Liza!" Peggy gasped, "you're letting a boy in your room?"

"Oh shush," Eliza grumbled. 

"What's this about a boy?" Philip queried, sticking his head out of the kitchen. 

"Don't worry dad," Eliza told him, "I'll be sure to cause a big scandal." She then added under her breath, "Again."

"As long as you know what we expect of you, pumpkin," Philip told her. 

Eliza rolled her eyes and half dragged John into her bedroom, closing the door behind them. 

John laughed as the door shut, "Your dad?"

"The one and only," Eliza sighed sitting on her bed.

 

They sat in semi-awkward silence for a short time. Despite having been in the same classes for several years, Eliza and John had never really been close. 

"So," Eliza prompted, "did you want to ask me something or...?"

 

"Will you have sex with me?" John blurted out.

Eliza said the first thing that popped into her head. 

"But you said that you're gay."

John blushed, "I am. I just meant...okay so I was thinking about what you said, about telling people that I've slept with a girl so that they stop trying to black both my eyes every afternoon? And the more I thought about it, the more it made sense, except for the fact that nobody would believe me. So then I thought of you!"

Eliza blinked. "I don't follow your logic."

"Everyone thinks you had sex with some random college guy right?"

"Keep it down my parents don't know about that," Eliza blushed, "but yeah."

"Well if they believed that, then certainly they'd believe you'd have sex with me," John concluded.

"So basically," Eliza said slowly, "you want me to pretend to have sex with you because now the whole school thinks I'm a slut so they'll believe me."

"Yeah," John said, "More or less."

"Oh my god..." Eliza flopped back onto her bed.

"Please?" John begged.

Eliza sighed, studying the glow-in-the-dark Stars left over on her ceiling from when she was obsessed with astronomy back in seventh grade. 

"What's in it for me?" she asked.

"I uhhh..." John stopped to think, "A hundred dollars to Target?"

"I do love the Tar-jay," Eliza mused.

"So we good?" John asked.

Eliza sighed again and sat up, "Yeah, we're good."

John barked out a pleased laugh and practically tackled Eliza with a hug. 

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" he exclaimed, "I love you!"

John planted a kiss on Eliza's cheek and she laughed, pushing him away half-heartedly. 

"Okay, okay," she giggled, "enough of that."

"So when are you going to do it?" John asked, "Is it soon? Tell me it's soon. Tomorrow, even."

"If I'm going to do this, then we're going to do it the right way," Eliza said, "I can't just tell them, they won't believe it regardless of my supposed slutishness."

John huffed, "What do you suggest then?"

"Phyllis Wheatley's party," Eliza smiled as she watched John's eyes get wide.

Anyone who was anyone attended Phyllis Wheatley's legendary parties. She had an older brother and her parents were never home, so it was a way for high schoolers to get alcohol. Not to mention, her house was huge and there were several rooms that were well known places for couples to go to have sex. Sometimes, the rooms even had a waiting list. Everybody knew what happened at Phyllis's parties because Phyllis knew everything that happened at her parties and she was one of the biggest gossips in the school.

"You ready for the big leagues?" Eliza asked.

John nervously nodded his head, "Yup."

\----------

It was seven thirty on Saturday night and Phyllis's party was in full swing. There were people already on their way to being drunk and the music was a loud, pounding backbeat. 

"The first thing we have to do," Eliza murmured in John's ear, "is make it apparent that we're here together."

"Okay," John gulped, "how do we do that?" 

"You're just going to follow my lead, okay?" Eliza took his hand, "You ready to put on a show?"

She didn't give John any time to answer and pulled him into the fray. Eliza purposefully knocked into as many people as she could, putting on a show of being tipsy and draping herself all over John. For his part, John seemed to get more at ease as they went along. It was obvious that he wasn't exactly comfortable with the whole thing, per se, but he certainly played along. 

As they "drunkenly" made their way through the crowd the partygoers began to split like the Red Sea. Eliza giggled as she dragged John towards her goal, Phyllis Wheatley.

"Hey everyone!" Eliza hollered as she pushed past, "Some party, right?"

John cringed slightly at the amount of attention they were getting, but Eliza didn't care. The whole point of this was to bring the attention onto them. 

"Hey," Eliza said to one of the guys standing at the bottom of the stairs. She thought that she had math class with him, but she didn't know his name, "do you know if the room is open? Upstairs?"

The guy's gaze raked over her and flicked to John before coming to rest on Eliza's face. She raised her eyebrows, prompting him to give her some kind of response. 

"Uh, yeah. I think so."

"Great," Eliza grinned and grabbed John's hand to lead him upstairs, the crowd beginning to gather around them.

"Hold up."

Eliza turned to see Phyllis standing there with her arms crossed, "What could you two possibly be doing upstairs?"

Eliza saw John flinch out of the corner of her eye, she gripped his hand tighter, "Oh I think we both know the answer to that."

With one last slightly patronizing smile, Eliza pulled John the rest of the way up the stairs and into the bedroom. The other partygoers were not particularly subtle about the fact that they practically all rushed to crowd around the door.

As Eliza shut the door she could clearly see the panic in John's eyes. 

"You know that--" Eliza interrupted herself with a high squeak as John pressed a hard kiss against her lips, her arms raising up. Before she could push him away he did it himself and Eliza surveyed him with wide eyes, her mouth open in shock. 

For a moment, it looked like he would kiss her again, but he just sighed, "Yup. Still gay."

Eliza blinked a few times as she processed what had just happened before allowing herself to relax again. 

"You do remember we aren't really having sex, right?" she spoke quietly knowing someone must have their ear pressed up against the door.

John nodded his head and looked quite pale.

"Alright then let's make some magic happen," Eliza added.

Eliza began wiggling her underwear off from under her skirt. 

"Woah!" John protested, averting his eyes. "What the hell are you doing?" he hissed.

"We have to make it convincing," Eliza relied draping the pale blue, lace trimmed boy shorts over the door handle, "Besides," she adjusted her skirt again, "you can't see anything."

"That's not the point," John said, still resolutely looking away. 

"If you say that girl parts are icky, I will mock you mercilessly," Eliza told him, jumping up onto the bed, "Now come on. We need to make some noise or something."

"Noise? What kind of noise?" John gulped.

"Oh come on you took Sex Ed," Eliza dragged him over to the bed.

She pulled the comforter and threw it off before haphazardly messing up the sheets and climbing onto the bed. 

"Up!" she commanded, bouncing a little on her toes. The bed let out a soft but satisfying squeak.

John let out a sigh and got on the bed almost losing his balance.

John let out a sigh and got on the bed almost losing his balance, the bed squeaking with each step.

"Do something!" Eliza urged, "Moan or something."

John swallowed and did his best to offer up a moan.

"Not like that!" Eliza hit his shoulder, "you sound like you're in pain!"

John rolled his eyes. 

"Try more of a grunt," Eliza told him, "and a deeper tone."

John nodded and did exactly what Eliza told him to do.

"I guess that's as good as we're gonna get," Eliza sighed before letting out a moan of her own and jumping on the bed urging John to do the same.

John's face was getting redder with each noise they made, either because he was embarrassed or with the effort not to laugh at the utter absurdity of what they were doing. It was hard for Eliza to tell which.

They continued to jump around and make noise, and Eliza paused for a moment, "Now for the big finish."

"You don't mean..." John swallowed.

Eliza nodded, "Give me the best you got."

"I don't think I can do this," John whimpered. 

Eliza frowned, but then she suddenly had an idea. 

"Sorry about this," she sighed. 

"Sorry about wha--" John interrupted his question with a loud, long groan as Eliza inelegantly elbowed him hard in the stomach.

"Oh fuck!" John groaned as he fell onto the bed clutching his stomach, clearly in pain.

Eliza added her own high keen to the mix and collapsed next to him. John gave her the evil eye and she couldn't help but giggle.

After a moment Eliza sat up and set to work messing her hair, "You ready to face the world as a new man?" she asked.

John grumbled but it turned into a sort of purr when Eliza started running her fingers through his hair to dishevel the curls.

"Let's go," she led him to the door and paused before opening, "here," she grabbed her panties and stuffed them in the pocket of his shirt, John trying to push away.

"What's that for?" he cringed.

"Evidence," Eliza replied.

"I didn't know if was possible to hate and love one person so much at the same time," John sighed. He lifted a hand to fix his hair and Eliza batted it away. 

"Time to face the music."

They stepped out into the hallway. As Eliza had expected, nobody made any effort to look like they hadn't been listening the whole time. If she was perfectly honest, some of the looks the guys were giving kind of creeped her out, but she stood firm and hooked her arm through John's to lean close against his side.

The awkward silence soon gave way to the excited hollers of drunk and nosey high school boys, yet all Eliza could think about was that she just wanted to go home.

"I'll see you at school," Eliza murmured in John's ear before giving him a friendly peck on the cheek. 

"Thank you," John murmured back, "Seriously. Thank you."

Eliza slipped out and decided to make her way home, by the time she got to her house it was nearly all dark. So as quietly as possible she opened the door and slipped inside.

Her stomach grumbled so Eliza decided to make her way to the kitchen in search of graham crackers and a glass of milk. After pouring her glass she nearly dropped it when she turned around to see Peggy standing there with her phone in hand.

"I cannot believe you went to Phyllis Wheatley's party and had sex with John Laurens!" Peggy frowned.

"How the hell can you possibly know about?" Eliza sighed grabbing a paper towel to mop up some of the milk she'd spilt.

"I am all knowing," Peggy responded in a mystical voice. "Also," she continued in her normal tone, "my friend's cousin's best friend was there."

"I hate this school," Eliza sighed.

"So it's true?" Peggy asked snagging a graham cracker.

"From a certain point of view," Eliza replied after thinking for a long moment.

"But I always thought he was gay," Peggy looked puzzled.

"He is," Eliza sighed.

"Then I am confused," announced Peggy, crossing her arms. 

"We pretended," Eliza said, "John wanted to stop getting bullied for being gay so we pretended to have sex to make everyone think he isn't."

Peggy blinked a few times, "You're crazy."

"But it worked Pegs!"

"So you're just going to work this whole school slut thing?" Peggy raised her brow.

Eliza let out a sigh and took a bite of graham cracked to avoid answering. 

"You are," Peggy answered her own question, "you actually are."

"So what?" Eliza replied through a mouth of graham cracker.

"What are you going to do when mom and dad find out?" Peggy raised her brow and took a swig of Eliza's milk.

"They aren't going to," Eliza replied.

"Sure they won't," Peggy rolled her eyes.

"They won't," Eliza insisted, "and you are not going to tell them."

"But-"

"Promise me Pegs," Eliza cut her off, "please?"

Peggy sighed. 

"Fine," she replied, "but you owe me."

Eliza didn't want to think for the rest of the weekend, so the next day she holed herself up in her room with her stash of classic movies and set about watching herself into a stupor. Somewhere around noon, a knock came at her door and Catherine entered. 

"I don't need anything for lunch, mom," Eliza said, "I've been snacking all morning."

"Your young man just dropped something off for you," Catherine told her. 

It took Eliza a moment to realize that she meant John.

Eliza furrowed her brow, "What is it?"

"Here.”

Catherine set the box on Eliza's bed, it was pink and tied up with gold curling ribbon.

"You know," Catherine said, "I dated a gay boy in high school too."

Eliza let out a huff of laughter, "What?"

"Oh yes," continued Catherine, mistaking her daughter's mirth for disbelief, "it's true."

Eliza couldn't help but be intrigued, "What happened?"

"Well of course nothing came of it," Catherine said flippantly, "he was a nice enough boy, but not very much interested in me, naturally."

"Naturally," Eliza repeated.

"You sure you don't want any lunch?" Catherine asked tucking a lock of hair behind Eliza's ear, "I was going to make chicken fingers for Sky."

"No, I'm good," Eliza told her. 

Catherine kissed Eliza's forehead and retreated from the room, closing the door behind her. Eliza pulled the box onto her lap and set to work untying the ribbon.

Lifting of the lid she found the promised Target gift card and a lot of tissue paper obviously concealing the boxes' other contents.

She set the Target gift card aside and lifted the first but if tissue paper to find a photograph taken with a old-school Polaroid camera. It showed John being lifted in a keg stand by one of the jocks that hung around with Charles Lee, John's until-recently tormenter. Eliza let out a chuckle and continued to dig through the tissue paper.

"Oh my god," Eliza gasped as she pulled out a glittery, pink vibrator with a card attached, "Now you can fuck yourself," Eliza read giggling.

\----------

"Things continued as normal. Well," Eliza corrected, "the new normal in any case. And I got to thinking, if I was going to really get into this whole slut thing, maybe I should make it a bit more obvious."

\----------

She pulled all of her clothes out; out of the closet and the dresser and the hamper of clean clothes that she hadn't yet put away. Everything was put into two piles, keep and toss.

"Not slutty enough," Eliza holding a light blue cardigan but she paused, she loved that sweater and she really didn't want to get rid of it.

With a pout she set it aside. She wouldn't really get rid of a big chunk of her clothes, just tuck them aside until this whole thing blew over. Or until she graduated high school and moved far, far away from Yorktown High. Whichever came first. 

"Maybe I should raid Angelica's things," Eliza mused. Her older sister had way too many clothes to have taken them all to college with her and Eliza swore that there were some corset-type tops or scandalously short skirts hiding in there. 

 

Eliza slipped out of her room and into Angelica's across the hall and set to work. 

She found a few promising tops and a pair of pleather pants that seemed like they would look painted on. Then Eliza came across something that gave her a fantastic idea. She unrolled some of the bright red fabric and grinned.

"Bingo," she smiled rolling it back up, this would be perfect, if they were going to call her a slut Eliza was more than willing to play the part.

The next day Eliza went into school with the intention of turning heads and the definitely succeeded. As she'd thought, the pleather pants clung like a second skin and the push up bra she had blushed her way through buying before this whole this started but had never used certainly gave the extra two cup sizes it promised under her top, which was just on the edge of being against dress code. The look was finished off by the bright red A that she had spent half the night sewing onto every top she owned.

"Finally owning up to it I see," Martha glared at her as she walked past.

Eliza resisted giving her a response and continued walking to her locker noting how everyone stopped to look at her as she went past.

\----------

She really went all out, even sewing an A on the strap of her swimsuit, which was lucky because they happened to be starting their swimming unit in gym class.

Eliza ignored the murmurs and focused on perfecting her freestyle stroke, it wasn't until she got out of the water and was approached by Benny Arnold.

"Hey Eliza," Benny greeted, "Uh, can I talk to you?"

Eliza held in a sigh and peppered her hands on her hips, "What is it, Benny?"

Benny fidgeted for a moment before responding, "John told me about what you did for him last week at Phyllis Wheatley's party..."

Oh no... Eliza thought, clearly she'd dug herself into an even bigger hole than she'd thought.

"Look, Benny," she said, "I'm not going to have sex with you f--"

"Oh, no!" Benny interrupted, "I mean, he told me what you really did for him. That you faked it. I wanted to know if you could do that for me."

Eliza let out a deep sigh, "Okay, what were you thinking?"

"Well I-" Benny hesitated.

"Come on I have my got all day I need to get ready for my next class," Eliza pushed.

"A hundred dollars to say you had sex with me," said Benny. 

Eliza couldn't help the surprised snort the escaped her, "Are you kidding me? Three hundred and we kissed."

"With tongue," countered Benny.

"That'll cost you an extra fifty to Barnes and Noble," Eliza countered.

"For three hundred and fifty bucks, you at least a got me off," Benny told her, "and I have a huge dick."

Eliza scoffed, "I don't think so. Your dick stayed in your pants, but I can say that you touched my breast. Over my shirt."

"Under-"

"Don't press your luck," Eliza cut him off, "second base, my shirt stayed on, take it or leave it."

"I'll take it," Benny said quickly.

"You know, next time maybe just try asking the girl out," offered Eliza, "You'd be surprised what the answer is."

Benny's eyes widened, "You...you would go out with me?"

Eliza eyed him sadly and said without malice, "Not now I wouldn't."

With that Eliza turned on her heel and began walking towards the locker room.

\----------

"This was obviously not my best move," Eliza but her lip, "and thinking back on it I probably could have handled this a lot better."

She sighed and squeezed the bridge of her nose before looking back into the webcam. 

"Things just escalated from there. Seems like Benny couldn't keep his mouth shut to save his life and I started getting tons of requests. Every guy in school who had ever been ragged on or who thought they weren't good enough or nice enough or handsome enough to get a real date came crawling out of the woodwork. And you wouldn't imagine the kinds of offerings I got for my," she made air-quotes, "services."

"Everything from Red Lobster to Blockbuster..." Eliza shook her head, "Does anyone even know where there is a Blockbuster in this town? And that's not even the best."

Eliza leaned forward so that her face filled more of the screen, narrowing her eyes. 

"I'm talking to you, Samuel Seabury. I should think that a pretend hand job is worth more than a little over a hundred bucks in AMC movie passes. Not only did they have an expiration date, they could only be used on movies that had already been out for two weeks. Nobody wants to see those movies! Although I'll admit that that's better than a ten percent off coupon for Bath and Body Works, William Howe. A fucking coupon. That's how good an imaginary blow job is? You have got to be kidding me. I fake rocked your world!” Eliza shook her head, “Chivalry is dead."

She leaned back in her chair, "Where's my 80s rom com moment, huh? Where's John Cusack and his boom box? Or Patrick Dempsey sweeping me away on his lawn mower?"

Eliza tapped her fingers on her desk, "I guess those moments just don't actually exist unless John Hughes is the one directing them."

After a long moment of silence, she collected herself again. 

"Are you all still with me?" she question, "I'm guessing that most of you are. We're reaching the home stretch now, so stay focused for just a little bit longer."


	5. How I, Eliza Schuyler, Went From Assumed Trollop to Actual Homewreaker

Eliza looked down at her hands after putting down her final sign. 

"I'm not proud of what happened, about how this all ended up," she said, "and there's a lot of things I wish that I could take back."

\----------

Mrs. Reynolds had called Eliza to come and see her during lunch, so that's exactly what Eliza did. 

"You wanted to see me?"

"Come on in," Mrs. Reynolds replied, gesturing for her to take a seat. 

Sitting here one on one with a teacher, not to mention a teacher she liked, Eliza couldn't help but feel more self-conscious about her attire and she wrapped her arms around herself to try to hide it a bit.

"Eliza," Mrs. Reynolds leaned forward at her desk, "not that I don't appreciate the effort as usual, but I can't help but think that you might be taking our reading of The Scarlet Letter just a little bit too seriously."

"Well, I'm really hoping to get an A," Eliza joked, "Get it?"

"Eliza," Mrs. Reynolds said again, "I'm hearing things."

"Hearing voices is never a good, it's one of the first signs of insanity," Eliza blurt without thinking. 

Mrs. Reynolds took a deep breath. "You know what I'm talking about."

"I didn't realize that the faculty was so interested in the idle, inconsequential gossip of today's adolescence," Eliza mumbled.

"Eliza I'm just worried," Mrs. Reynolds sighed, "this isn't like you, and if you're uncomfortable talking about this with me perhaps a visit to the guidance counselor is in order."

"I don't know if that's necessary," Eliza told her. 

"Look, Eliza, you're a great girl and one of the best students I have. I happen to know that all this," she indicated the outfit, "is just an act. All I want to know is why you're doing this."

Eliza contemplated lying, saying that it was all true and being done with it, but she found that she just couldn't. 

"Have you ever played along with something because it was easier than fighting so hard to deny it?" Eliza asked, "Because you just don't have the energy to waste on fighting it and it's. It like anyone believes you when you deny things anyway?"

Before Mrs. Reynolds could reply, Eliza stood and began making her way out the room. As she passed through the doorway, she nearly ran into the school guidance counselor. 

"Hi Mr. Reynolds," Eliza greeted with forced cheer, "How are you today? I'm doing great. The A is for awesome!"

Mr. Reynolds watched her leave and slipped into the room, his wife meeting him halfway. 

"How do I not know that girl?" he queried, "I'm the guidance counselor, I know every student in this place. Especially one with that fashion sense."

"She's going through something," Mrs. Reynolds told him. 

"Is she the one everyone's been talking about?" Mr. Reynolds let out a small, mirthless laugh, "Sure I'll talk to her. That snotty office aid has been bitching about her nonstop."

"James..." Mrs. Reynolds shook her head, "you really shouldn't talk about our students like that."

"Like you really like dealing with her?" Mr. Reynolds raised his brow.

Mrs. Reynolds pressed her lips into a thin line, "I have essays to grade."

\----------

"I shouldn't have been shocked to find out that the Bible Thumpers were praying for my soul," Eliza rolled her eyes, "sorry guys for wasting your time."

\----------

"Let's all join our hands in prayer," Martha directed immediately grabbing the hand of her boyfriend Thomas Jefferson, "for the soul of Eliza Schuyler."

"Amen," Thomas put in. 

"Thank you, Thomas," said Martha, leaning over to give him a perfectly proper and chaste peck on the cheek, "Let us pray for the soul of Elizabeth Schuyler. I am sure that you've seen her these past weeks and are all as appalled as I am by her recent...transformation. And I have tried so hard," she broke off into a dry sob, "I'm sorry. It's just...it pains me to see someone who has go so far off God's path."

"You're doing your best," Thomas gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.

Martha smiled at him, her eyes still shimmering with tears, "I know it says in the Bible to care for everyone, even the whores and the homosexuals, but it's just...so hard sometimes."

"I'm sure that she will come around to God's way if it is His will," Thomas reassured her, "And if she doesn't, maybe that is His will."

Martha nodded as tears streaked down her cheeks.

A few tables away Eliza had stopped to watch mid bite of her carrot stick.

"See you're going to be just fine," Peggy teased, "you're going to be saved."

"Only if they can save me from themselves," Eliza grumbled, "Or from this stupid meeting with Mr. Reynolds that I have this afternoon.”

"World's worst guidance counselor," Peggy rolled her eyes.

"How did I get so lucky," Eliza slumped in her chair.

Of course, it wasn't until later in the afternoon when Eliza made her way to see the guidance counselor that she remembered the office assistant was none other than Martha Wayles. As Eliza sat and waited, Martha methodically sharpened pencils into lethal points. 

Eliza made a point of taking a seat so that she was facing away from Martha, but after doing so she couldn't help but think it might have been a worse decision.

After each pencil was sharpened, Martha made a point of blowing off the little bits of shavings that remained, making uncomfortable eye contact at the same time. It was almost a relief when Mr. Reynolds called her into his office. 

"Alright Miss Schuyler I'm certain you know why you're here today," Mr. Reynolds began as Eliza entered and took a seat, "there has been some concerns voiced by a few members of the faculty-"

"You mean your wife?" Eliza raised an eyebrow.

Mr. Reynolds furrowed his brow, "Never mind that."

He cleared his throat and caught Eliza's eyes with his own, holding her gaze. 

"There are concerns with your recent displays of promiscuity," he said. 

She really didn't like the way he glanced down at the admittedly plunging neckline of her shirt. For whatever reason, it felt a lot more calculating than the secretive glances her classmates gave it. Eliza leaned back in the chair.

"And what are these concerns?" Eliza asked, "I'm staying within dress code, my hemlines are never shorter than my finger tips."

"Right, of course not," Mr. Reynolds said, flapping his hand impatiently, "no rules have been broken. There's just a concern that...you know what, here."

He reached into his desk drawer and drew out a handful of small, square packages. When he dropped them in front of her on a desk, Eliza saw that they were condoms, the packages of which had the school's crest printed on them. 

"Oh, I don't need these," Eliza tried to protest. 

"Take them," Mr. Reynolds said again, "safe sex is the only sex you should be having. It only takes one unprotected time to get an STD."

"But-"

"Take them and go," Mr. Reynolds practically pushed them into her hands.

Eliza swept the condoms into her bag and shouldered it as she rose. With one last glance at Mr. Reynolds, Eliza shook her head slightly and left the office. Once outside, she found Martha again. This time, however, Martha was gently rubbing the shoulder of her boyfriend Thomas, who was sitting with his elbows on his knees and his face cradled in his hands. 

"What's wrong?" Eliza asked, genuinely concerned. Despite his connection with Martha, Thomas hadn't been particularly nasty to her through this whole mess.

"His parents are getting divorced," Martha replied sharply, "and it's a very hard time for him right now."

“Mr. Jefferson," Mr. Reynolds called, "come on in."

Eliza watched as Thomas rubbed at his eyes before getting up from his seat.

"I'm sorry about Thomas's parents," Eliza said, "that really sucks." She hesitated for a moment before continuing, "My birth parents...they got divorced before I was put up for adoption. I was really young, only three or four, but I still remember little bits of it."

Martha seemed surprised that Eliza was confiding in her at all and was silent before lunging forward to wrap Eliza in a painfully tight hug. 

"What? Okay, I guess we're doing this now," Eliza said with confusion, "I can work with this."

\----------

"So for about a day Martha Wayles and I were friends," Eliza smiled, "and it actually wasn't that bad."

She chuckled, "I don't think I've been hugged so often in one day, which, I'll admit, was kind of nice. Little did I know, there was trouble brewing."

\----------

A couple blocks away from the school, Thomas was sitting in a clinic and staring in shock at the doctor. 

 

"I don't think I heard you right," Mrs. Jefferson said, her fingers tightening on Thomas's shoulder. 

"Chlamydia," the doctor repeated. 

Thomas paled, nausea rising in his stomach. His life as he knew it was over, and not just because of the chlamydia. He winced as his mother's manicured fingernails dug into his shoulder. This was going to suck. 

\----------

Martha was in a good mood. She was getting through to Eliza and had a good feeling about her prospects. She had a smile on her face as she walked into the front office. The guidance office's door was open, so Martha went to say good morning to Mr. Reynolds. She found Thomas already in there, standing in front of the desk. She was fairly certain that eavesdropping was some sin or another, but Thomas was her boyfriend so she listened anyway. 

"What did you say?" Mr. Reynolds asked.

"I panicked," Thomas spoke in a low voice.

"But you didn't-"

"No," Thomas shook his head.

 

Thomas let out a tortured groan, "My mother was there with me, it was mortifying. She was in my face about 'who was it, who spoiled my baby' and I just couldn't take it any more, it just burst out of me that I got chlamydia from Eliza Schuyler!"

"What!?" Martha's voice rose into a shriek half way through the word. 

Thomas spun around, his eyes comically wide. 

"Baby..." Thomas called out.

"I'm going to kill her!" Martha shrieked storming out of the office.

Eliza, meanwhile, had just finished math class when she saw Martha coming down the hall in her direction. Eliza held her arms out for the greeting hug that the two of them had been sharing all day to far only to have Martha rear back and land a resounding smack on her cheek. Eliza gaped, her cheek stinging. 

"What the--"

"This is for Thomas!" Martha seethed, "I cannot believe you would do this to me... I trusted you!"

"What?" Eliza held a hand to her face, "what did I do?"

 

\----------

"Martha?" Eliza looked around and she spotted Thomas coming out of Mr. Reynolds office, "Hey have you seen Martha? She seems to be very mad at me and-"

"What makes you think that she's mad?" Thomas asked.

"Maybe the fact that she slapped me across the face," Eliza deadpanned.

Thomas's eyes widened and he shifted nervously on his feet. 

"Um, wow that doesn't sound like her," he said, his voice faster than usual, "I need to go now, nice to see you, I'm sorry."

He left the office like the hounds of hell were after him.

"What was that about?" Eliza furrowed her brow.

Mr. Reynolds stuck his out of his office and seemed surprised to see Eliza there.

"Ms. Schuyler," he said, "can I help you with something."

"Only if you can tell me if you can tell what the hell seems to be happening around here," Eliza sighed, "because for once Martha and I seemed like we'd be friends and I was actually getting used to the idea-"

If she'd actually watched Mr. Reynolds face she would have seen his face steadily turn incredibly pale.

"Ah fuck," he said, his voice a murmur as if he didn't realize that he was talking out loud, "of course she'd find out and confront you because why the fuck should me life go as planned. Fuck."

He seemed to vaguely notice that Eliza was still there because he waved a hand at her apologetically, "Not supposed to curse in front of the students. Then again," he let out a bark of laughter, "not supposed to sleep with them either."

In a moment, he was back in his office with the door shut and Eliza was still confused. She left the front office and began walking down the hallway towards the exit, the whispers and stares of her classmates followed her. It felt different than before, uncomfortable and unpleasant. When she left the school building, she was accosted by noise. 

Martha was leading a large group of people in a chant, their signs held in front them as they half surrounded her. She caught glimpses of words on the signs--slut, whore, chlamydia--but there were too many of them for her to read them all. 

"She is a sinner!" Martha shouted, "A sinner to who sleeps with men out of wedlock, who doesn't care if the men she ruins belong to somebody else already!"

Suddenly, everything made perfect sense. Martha's slap, Thomas's apology, Mr. Reynolds comments about mistakes and STDs, the signs and vitriol. Eliza jerked slightly as if she had been struck again. Thomas was having an affair with Mr. Reynolds, had gotten chlamydia, and said Eliza was to blame. This whole thing had gotten way more out of hand. 

She was pulled from her thoughts by a literal pull on her arm and she stumbled slightly as she was led out of the crowd. It was Alex, his hand warm around hers.

"You know what fuck these guys," Alex muttered guiding Eliza towards the parking lot.

Eliza felt tears prick at her eyes and anger well up inside, "Haven't you heard,"she spoke stiffly, "I already did."

She drew her hand from his grip on order to wrap both arms around herself. 

"Thanks for saving me," she whispered, "and probably ruining your reputation in the process."

She didn't notice him watching her as she walked away. 

\----------

Eliza looked away from the camera, blinking against the prickling heat on her eyes.

"Definitely not the high point of my life," she said, shaking her head slowly, "Sadly, it also wasn't the lowest, but I'll get to that in second. I had a dilemma on my hands. Two secrets that were now tied together in one knot of suckitude."

She took a moment to collect herself, breathing deep and clasping her hands together. 

"But nothing stops family movie night," Eliza scoffed, "and when I say nothing, I mean nothing."

\----------

"Okay," Philip said, clapping his hands together, "let's see who gets to pick the movie this week."

"Well who is family member of the week?" Catherine swept in with a large bowl of popcorn in hand.

"Is it me?" Sky jumped up excitedly.

"It's dad," Peggy said with a laugh. 

"It's always dad," added Eliza.

"That's not true," Philip replied trying his best to look offended.

"But it is," Eliza scoffed.

"Well there was that one time it was Annie but that was like three months ago," Peggy mused.

"And only because she was home from college," Eliza smirked.

"This is a democratic process," Philip told them, "everybody's name is in the bowl and one is chosen at random."

"Your name is in there about fifteen times," said Peggy. 

"Well, when you're the breadwinner of the family, then you can have your name in more times," said Philip, his eyes twinkling, "Until then...tough patooties."

"But!" Sky pouted.

"Give it up little man," Eliza ruffled her little brother's hair.

"Dad always chooses the same movie," complained Sky. 

"Singin' in the Rain is a classic," Philip defended, "A true American film."

"Admit it, sweetheart, you just like watching Gene Kelly dance," Catherine teased. 

"Who wouldn't?" Philip sighed.

"Agreed!" Peggy flopped down next to Eliza.

Normally, Eliza would have very quickly agreed, but her mind was wandering elsewhere and she startled slightly when Peggy leaned against her shoulder.

\----------

The next day Eliza rather reluctantly returned to school, if everyone wasn't paying attention to her before then they most certainly were before.

For once in her school career, Eliza did not speak up once in class. She keep her head down and tried not to notice too much that the stares of her classmates burned more than usual.

Lunch was the worst, she took to finding the farthest most lonely table in the cafeteria trying to enjoy her tacos in peace. An almost impossible task.

"Hey."

Eliza looked up from her meal, but the scathing comment on the tip of her tongue died away when she saw Tommy Conway standing beside her table. They had been partners on group projects a couple of times and he had always been pretty nice to her. Not to mention, he was kind of cute. 

"Hey, Tommy," Eliza greeted.

"Mind if I sit with you?" he asked taking a seat before Eliza even had a chance to respond beyond a small squeak.

"So, I was wondering," Tommy said, "if you maybe wanted to go out with me this weekend?"

Eliza blinked in surprise and studied his face for a moment. He didn't seem to be kidding. 

"A date?" she asked incredulously. 

"Yeah, why not," Tommy shrugged.

"Wow," Eliza blinked.

Tommy watched her expectantly. 

"Um, sure," replied Eliza, "yeah I'd love to."

Tommy gave her a smile, his cheeks dimpling adorably. 

"Great, pick you up at your place at seven?" Tommy smiled.

"Yeah-"

And just like that she was alone again, but very much in a daze, maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

 

\----------

Eliza carefully smoothed down the skirt of her dark blue dress. It was the first thing she had worn in months that didn't fully display cleavage or cling to her curves. It actually felt quite nice to be wearing something more her style again.

"Pumpkin your date is here!" Philip called from downstairs.

Eliza took a deep breath and grabbed her purse, slinging it over her shoulder before heading downstairs. With only minimal fuss from her parents, Eliza accompanied Tommy to his car.

"So how does the Lobster Shack sound?" Tommy asked as Eliza buckled her seatbelt.

"Great," Eliza smiled.

Idle chit chat made the drive time pass quickly and soon they were pulling into the parking lot. Not to say that the idle chit chat was comfortable. It wasn't particularly uncomfortable, per se, but things were definitely a bit on the awkward side.

Still he did his best to be gentlemanly when they pulled into the parking lot, he even pulled out the chair when they sat down.

"Thank you," Eliza smiled taking her seat.

 

Tommy smiled and sat down across from her and a silence fell between them briefly.

"So," Eliza said, fiddling with her silverware, "Lobster Shack. Gotta love that seafood."

"Yes," agreed Tommy as Eliza internally cringed.

"Did you know oysters are an aphrodisiac?" Eliza blurted out, "god knows way and you know how much truth there is to that," she began to ramble, "I mean slurping back oysters is far from sexy and don't even get me started on-"

Just then all the servers filed out and gathered around one table, after all this place was quite a hit spot in Albany for birthdays. But what really caught Eliza's attention was the young man with part of his ponytail sticking out from underneath his lobster shaped hat.

"Is that Woodchuck Alex?" Tommy laughed.

"Huh, maybe we should start calling him Lobster Alex," Eliza muttered watching him from afar is he raucously sang "Happy Birthday" at the table.

Then Eliza noticed that they were singing to a smiling Martha.

"Shit," she hissed, "We need to get out of here, like now."

"Wait but why?" Tommy reached for her hand.

"Because frankly I would rather not have Martha Wayles destroy the other half of my face!" Eliza hissed.

Tommy still looked confused, but he allowed Eliza to pull him to his feet and out the door of the restaurant, her head ducked the whole time. It didn't stop Alex from recognizing her, but she didn't notice, too concentrated on getting out of there as quickly as possible. 

The two of them made their way to Tommy's car and Eliza gently removed her hand from his to clutch at her purse. 

"Sorry about that," she said, "it's just that thing are a bit--mppphh!"

Eliza was cut off by Tommy's lips crashing down on hers. Both of her hands were stuck between them, but she managed to get enough leverage to push him away. 

"What are you doing?" she asked. 

In response, he just kissed her again and Eliza twisted away. 

"Dude!" she protested. 

"Okay, so no kissing," Tommy said with a shrug, "So that's how it is. Whatever. It's five hundred for the night, right?"

Eliza was in shock and all she could do was gape at him for several long moments.

"Excuse me?" she finally managed to get out.

"Of come on don't be coy with me," Tommy smirked leaning in close again but Eliza moved out of the way.

Tommy was starting to get frustrated and he shoved some money at her. Eliza was so shocked that she grasped it. 

"Don't be a cocktease," he growled, "I've paid you. That means I get my night."

"That is not how this works!" Eliza snapped, but it was obvious that Tommy was not listening.

"Bitch, I paid for my night and I want it," he said, crowding up against her again. 

"I'm not a fucking prostitute!" she snapped, throwing the money at his feet, "There. No more payment. Get out of my fucking way."

Tommy huffed, "Fuck you!" he hollered and lunged at her and Eliza screamed but Tommy fell to the ground choking before he could even touch her. When Eliza opened her eyes she saw Alex standing there loosening his grip on Tommy's collar.

"Get out of here, cretin," Alex said. He might be small, but he was strong and Tommy obviously didn't want to deal with him. 

"Whatever," Tommy huffed. He pulled out of Alex's grip and slipped into his car, slamming the door behind himself and driving away with a loud screech of his tires. 

Eliza took the opportunity to get away, holding her purse close to herself as she began walking in the direction of home.

"Hey wait!"Alex called out, "I just finished my shift, can so give you a lift?"

"I don't want to impose," Eliza murmured. 

"Please?"

With only a slight hesitation, Eliza nodded mutely.

"Come on," Alex walked her towards his beat up old Chevy and opened the door for her.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Alex asked tentatively after they'd been driving for a short time. 

"Not really," replied Eliza, her voice wavering. Tears were slowly dripping down her cheeks and she kept her face turned to the window so that Alex couldn't see.

"You know guys like Tommy Conway are just grade A jerks," Alex eventually.

"Haven't you hated him since like sixth grade?" Eliza replied softly.

"Actually that would be fifth grade," Alex replied with a smile, "but an A for effort in remembering that little detail nonetheless."

"I try," Eliza replied, then let out a shuddering sigh, "How did I even get myself into this mess?"

"I have no idea," Alex replied, "but if I know Eliza Schuyler I know you'll find you're way out of it too."

"Ha," Eliza snorted, "this is way out of my control."

"Impossible," scoffed Alex, "Do you remember that game of seven minutes in heaven way back when and you pretended that we kissed?"

"Of course I remember that," Eliza said softly. 

"You had that under control, you can get this under control," Alex told her confidently.

"Sure I can," Eliza rolled her eyes and looked out the window and noticed that she was on her street, "hang on I never told you where I live, how did you-"

"We carpooled and fourth grade," Alex replied.

"So you're like a savant for addresses or something?" Eliza raised her brow.

Alex flushed slightly, "Okay, this is going to sound a little stupid, but after that party I kinda had a little crush on you."

"Had?" Eliza asked shyly. 

"Had, have," Alex cleared his throat, "Same difference."

It was Eliza's turn to blush as she wiped away the tears from her cheeks. 

"Oh, here." Alex reached past her into the glove box and pulled out a package of travel tissues, which he handed to her. 

"Thanks."

Eliza wiped away her tears, "Thanks again."

"And yeah, I would be lying if I would say I didn't now," Alex added.

Eliza paused, "Wait seriously?"

"Yeah," Alex began to blush, "I really like you."

Eliza wadded up the tissues in her hand, "Why didn't you say anything?"

"It never seemed like the right time," replied Alex, "You're remarkably difficult to approach."

"I don't mean to be," Eliza said. 

"Can I kiss you?" Alex asked. 

"No," Eliza told him sadly, "not tonight. I don't want it to just be an endnote on a shitty night. If you kiss me, I want it to make a good day better."

"When I kiss you," Alex countered, "Not if, when."

"When you kiss me," Eliza smiled, "that sounds really nice."

\----------

"I decided it was time for me to fix this, but I couldn't just be like 'surprise guys I was just kidding'!" Eliza rolled her eyes, "because no one would believe me, I needed a character witness of sorts, I needed John... Although he turned out to be harder to find than anticipated."

\----------

"What do you mean he's gone?" Eliza asked incredulously, "Where would John even go?"

"I heard that he left a note on his front door," Peggy told her, "it said 'I'm gay, bitch, so you can just deal with it' and I'm pretty sure his dad found it."

"How do you even know this?" questioned Eliza, "John is in my grade, not yours."

"I have ears everywhere," Peggy replied smugly.

"No kidding," Eliza snorted.

"And it gets even better," Peggy grinned, "he ran off with Hercules Mulligan."

Eliza froze for a moment, "And here I was thinking I would never see Huckleberry Finn get played out for real."

Peggy chuckled. 

"Damnit," Eliza sighed, "I mean, good for him for figuring himself out, but damnit he was my ticket out of this."

"I didn't realize that you wanted out of it," Peggy said, "I thought you were enjoying yourself."

"I was," mumbled Eliza, squeezing the bridge of her nose.

"Did something happen on your date?" Peggy asked softly. 

"Gotta go," said Eliza hurriedly, "See ya."

She ignored her sister calling after her as she walked away.

So Eliza's next bet would be Benny Arnold, she was certain she could get him to give it up.

"Are you kidding me," scoffed Benny, "This has done wonders for my social life!"

"Fine," Eliza pressed her lips into a thin line, "just let it be known I'll always remember you as an asshole." 

Eliza was getting tired of this, she wanted out and her options were growing more and more limited.

Finally, she decided to go to one of the last people she wanted to ask for help: Mr. Reynolds. If he had any integrity, surely he would help her get the truth out to the student body. Especially since he was technically to blame for the latest round of vitriol. Him and Thomas Jefferson, of course, but Martha was being so watchful and wary that Eliza couldn't get anywhere near her boyfriend and certainly not alone with him for long enough to convince him to help her end this whole ordeal.

Eliza calmly walked into the office feeling Martha's burning gaze as she walked past and knocked on Mr. Reynolds door. Soon this would be over, she could hopefully go back to being a nameless student at Yorktown High and never play with fire like this again.

"Come in," Mr. Reynolds called out.

Eliza pushed the door opened, "Hi."

"What can I do for you today Ms. Schuyler?" Mr. Reynolds sighed looking bored.

"Tell the truth," Eliza said. 

Mr. Reynolds raised an eyebrow. "About what, Ms. Schuyler?"

"You gave Thomas Jefferson chlamydia," she replied bluntly. 

 

"No I didn't," Mr. Reynolds replied cooly, "you did and the whole school knows it."

"You just don't want to take the fall for having relationship with a student who is underage-"

"He's eighteen!" Mr. Reynolds barked, "It's perfectly legal in the state of New York!"

 

"Then what's the point of all the secrecy?" Eliza countered. 

"Have you seen who he hangs out with?" Mr. Reynolds shot back.

Eliza couldn't believe what she was hearing. 

"You're an adult, you should take accountability for your actions," she accused, "You need to tell the truth, or I will."

"Yes, I'm an adult," he repeated, a smirk spreading across his face, "which means that I have credibility. So go ahead and tell the truth, it'll be your word versus mind. Who do think people are going to believe?"

"What?"

"Who would you believe," Mr. Reynolds replied, "the young teenager who has already achieved quite a reputation as the school slut-"

Eliza flinched as he said those words.

"Or the guidance counselor who has been doing his job for years, quite well I may add did you know I have awards and-"

"Fuck you!" Eliza snapped, and before saying anything else to him she took off.

Her feet took her through the halls without consulting her brain and she kept her head ducked to hide the tears that were threatening to fall. Maybe it was just random chance or maybe it was something she planned without realizing it, but Eliza soon found herself in the doorway of Mrs. Reynold's classroom.

"Ms. Schuyler?" Mrs. Reynolds looked up at her, "What's wrong?"

"Your husband," Eliza began, "is having an affair with a student, gave him chylamydia and now I'm taking the fall for it and I just thought you should know-" the words tumbled out of her mouth before she could really even process what she was doing. 

"What?" Mrs. Reynolds looked at Eliza with wide eyes.

 

Eliza opened her mouth, but nothing else came out. She let it close with a click and swallowed down the regret before rushing back out of the room. Eliza didn't care that there was still the majority of the school day to get through. She made her way home. 

\----------

Eliza let out a small huff of mirthless laughter. 

"I didn't mean for it to happen that's way," she said earnestly, looking into the camera, "and I certainly didn't mean to cause anybody any pain or embarrassment. For me, my actions that day were the final straw and I knew that the truth had to be told. So," she said, reaching for her final title board, "it's time for the denouement and conclusion of this sordid tale."


	6. Not With a Fizzle, But With a Bang

"Yes today was meant be the big finale," Eliza dropped her last sign, "and with the help of Alex Hamilton I think I did a really good job of pulling it off, I mean you're all here aren't you?"

"At least," Eliza added, "I hope you are all still here. Bear with me just a little while longer. Now let's see, where was I? Oh yes. Running away."

\----------

Eliza closed herself in her room for the next several days. She locked the door and refused to emerge, begging off from school for an imagined fever. She should have known that it could only last so long before her parents got worried.

"Good morning Pumpkin," Philip opened the door.

"Go away," Eliza groaned pulling the covers over her head.

 

She had forgotten that there was a way to unlock her bedroom door from the outside and this was an annoying way to remember. 

"I think this may require a woman's touch, dear," said Catherine, poking her head in beside Philip.

"Or everyone could just leave me alone," Eliza grumbled.

"You know that's not going to happen," Catherine scolded gently. 

The door to the room clicked closed quietly and Eliza felt the mattress dip as Catherine sat on the edge of the bed.

"Come on sweetie," Catherine gently pulled back the blankets, "you and I have always been able to talk, what's wrong?"

"I messed up, mom," Eliza sniffled, "I messed up big time and I don't know if I can fix it."

"Well we all mess up sometimes," Catherine gently stroked Eliza's hair, "and despite what your father may say he's not perfect either."

At that Eliza could help but let out a small laugh, she slowly sat up and snuggled against her mother.

"You ready to tell me what happened?" Catherine asked.

And so, Eliza began to talk. She told Catherine about the initial joke and the misinformation that was taken from it, the escalation of the rumor, and all that followed. She slightly glossed over the extent of the guys she had pretended to sleep with, but it was obvious that Catherine got the picture.

"Wow that is a lot," Catherine let out a small laugh, "but I know you're smart enough to fix this," she wrapped her arms around Eliza, "smarter then I was at your age."

"What do you mean?" Eliza asked.

"At school I was called a slut too," Catherine grimaced, "but I actually did all those things... Actually you could say I did the whole football team-"

"Mom!" Eliza sat up sharply.

"It's only the truth," Catherine said mildly, "although not a very pretty one, I'll admit."

"I don't know what to do," Eliza said, "Nobody is willing to help me deny it. Not even Mr. Rey--"

She stopped herself. 

"Not even who?" Catherine asked, "Is there a teacher involved in this?"

"Yes," Eliza admitted. 

"Elizabeth!"

"Not in the way you're thinking!" Eliza insisted, "Oh god, no."

 

Catherine raised her brow incredulously.

"I mean it," Eliza insisted, "you know I would never- it's just mostly because of him that this has gotten out of hand."

"I don't suppose you're going to tell me what you mean by that," sighed Catherine.

"I really would rather not," Eliza bit at her lip.

Catherine sighed again and gently stroked Eliza's hair, "Well then, I think there's only one piece of advice that I can give you is to find a way to tell the truth and get your story out there for everybody to hear."

"Thanks mom," Eliza sighed.

 

\----------

"So what did I do? Hijack the school pep rally of course," Eliza smiled, "But I knew that I couldn't do it alone. I would need the help of someone who has some backstage access, so to speak. And I knew just who to ask."

\----------

"You ready for this?" Alex asked clutching the head of his woodchuck costume in his hands.

"That depends," Eliza replied, "are you ready to be a devil again?"

"I was born ready," joked Alex, "And maybe once this is all over, I can finally get that kiss."

Eliza blushed and smiled coyly, "We'll see."

Alex let out an exasperated sighed and pulled his head on, "Time for your big entrance."

"Alex."

He was preparing to walk away, but turned when she called, his expression hidden by the mascot head. 

"Thank you," she said, "for helping me with this."

He gave her a double thumbs up. From beyond the doors she could hear students cheering and the band starting play.

Alex bounced on his toes a few times before bursting his way through the doors. Eliza waited a few moments and then the music changed. That was her cue to grab the microphone and step out. She'd always loved the spontaneous and random music numbers in various 80s movies (Ferris Bueller's Day Off was a personal favorite) and now she was ready to have one of her very own. She'd taken her outfit cues from Tim Curry in Rocky Horror Picture Show: her corset was lacy and her heels were tall, the skirt so short that is was basically nonexistent. The last touch was artfully curled, tousled hair and the brightest red lipstick she could find. Show time.

\----------

It went about as well as she could have hoped. She'd had their attention since the second she'd stepped through the door and no alone or shouting from Principal Hanover could have stopped her from finishing her song. She needed to get them curious, to get them all interested in watching the tell-all livestream she was planning.

"Ms. Schuyler!" Principal Hanover stormed onto the court.

"Hey guys," Eliza started speaking and moving away from her principal, "got a brief announcement for you."

She continued to dodge Hanover as much as possible as she spoke. 

"You want to see more of me?" Eliza asked, "I'll be doing a livestream this afternoon, as soon as I can get home: Eliza Exposes it All. Don't miss it!"

"Ms. Schuyler!" Principal Hanover grabbed her wrist, "I will personally see to it that you are expelled for this-" he began to drag her away.

"You know you may want to talk to Mr. Reynolds about that first," Eliza pulled away, "because I think he just might convince you to let me stay-" she dashed across the gym, "Go Woodchucks!"

\----------

"So here we are," Eliza said, pointing into the camera, "Just you and me. With 'you' hopefully encompassing most, if not all, of the Yorktown High student body and faculty. Sorry if this livestream wasn't exactly what you were expecting."

"And now you know the truth, the whole truth," Eliza smiled, "and I think we all learned a good lesson too."

"Well at least I learned a good lesson," Eliza leaned back, "now I'm going to sign off and go on with my life the way I want to, you can choose whether or not you want to believe me but these are the facts."

Eliza smiled, "Sorry for making you miss the basketball game, but I bet it wasn't that exciting," she she shrugged, "bye!" Eliza ended the stream feeling as if a giant weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

"Eliza!"

Eliza looked around when she heard her name called, and when she heard it once again she realized she was being called through her open window. Peering down she saw Alex standing on top of a lawn mower with a set of bluetooth speakers in hand, it took her a moment to realize what was playing.

"Really?" she called down with a laugh. 

"I couldn't find a boombox," Alex apologized, "I don't think they make those any more."

Eliza shook her head fondly.

"Well are you coming or not?" Alex called.

Eliza smiled and ducked back inside grabbing her favorite light blue cardigan before dashing down the stairs and outside to the front yard.

"What are you waiting for? Hop on!"

Eliza laughed and climbed onto the lawnmower behind Alex. 

"Where did you even get this?" she asked. 

"Mowing lawns is my weekend job," Alex explained, "when I'm not waiting tables at the Lobster Shack. I borrowed it from my neighbor."

"You are crazy," Eliza giggled before hopping on behind him wrapping her arms around his waist.

"But you got your own eighties movie ending," Alex smiled as he turned on the mower.

"You're just missing one thing," Eliza lay her head on his shoulder.

Alex grinned as he started steer and he thrust his fist up into the air Breakfast Club style.

Eliza leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek, "I got my kiss!" he exclaimed.

"Watch where you're going!" Eliza hollered. 

In response, Alex increased his speed. Eliza squeaked and wrapped her arms around his waist as he laughed.


End file.
